The puzzle of life
Tynan Narywonczyk describes himself as an advocate for life. He’s a passionate triathlete, traveller and father, and has competed in more than a dozen gruelling ironman tournaments.
He’s also attempted suicide. Tynan uses his experience to connect with others, spread support and raise awareness through his work as a member of the Roses in the Ocean suicide prevention organisation’s Lived Experience Collective.
Having open and honest conversations about suicide is part of that.
“I attempted suicide when I was 20,” Tynan said.
“Before that, I’d had a really serious accident. I’d fallen three stories and had a long journey to recovery. The doctors’ expectations for my quality of life was very poor. They didn’t expect me to be able to have a job. They expected by the time I was 40 I’d be living in a retirement village.
“In your 20s, all your friends are out chasing girls, surfing, doing things, and here I was seeing doctors and sleeping 20 hours a day.”
Tynan said he couldn’t see past the negative and scary future the doctors had painted for him. He felt hopeless, and like the burden was too big to carry.
But on the day he attempted suicide, he saw a TV program featuring John Maclean – the first wheelchair athlete to complete an Ironman. This allowed him to see a different type of future.
“It’s not what happens to you. It’s what you do with it,” Tynan said.
“That grabbed me. It changed me. I thought: people’s opinions don’t make me who I am.”
Tynan made a deal with himself. If he finished an ironman event, he would go to university, study and figure out a better future. Twelve ironman competitions later, and with a lot of self-care, counselling and hard work, Tynan now has a core set of values that helps him navigate challenging times.
“It’s like this: everybody has their own jigsaw puzzle that’s their life,” he said.
“Everyone has different pieces – your circumstances, the baggage you carry, your education, religion… those are all pieces of you. We put those pieces together and it creates a picture about who we are, what our values are.
“Somewhere along the way, those pieces change. You might lose some and gain others. The pieces might look different. But it’s about making the most of the pieces you have.
“Often people hold on to a picture or the pieces they had in the past. They don’t want to let go of an old picture. Sometimes they’ve decided that the new picture, or future, is too scary.
I’d created a horror story for my future when I was 20, and I was trying to hold on to an old picture from before my accident, when I didn’t have the right puzzle pieces anymore. You can’t stay with a picture of your life when the pieces don’t add up anymore.
“Change is hard, but it’s worth it. When life knocks your puzzle apart, you need to have a process to put it back together and create a picture that’s positive.
“It’s not about not having those difficult emotions. You don’t have to hide from them. It’s about being proactive and having a process in place to help you.”
One of the pieces of Tynan’s puzzle is his drive to raise suicide prevention awareness and encourage conversations about suicide.
“There’s so much stigma and fear about talking about it. But Roses in the Ocean values the experiences of people, and that has normalised speaking about it,” he said.
“It’s by speaking about it that we’re going to reduce those rates of suicide.
“Talking about suicide is not about fixing people and having all the answers, but about making a space where people can say ‘I’m struggling’ and being able to reply: ‘I don’t have all the answers but I’m here to support and work together through this’.
“It’s societal, the way we talk about suicide. It’s shameful to talk about it. People often carry that stigma in themselves, but if you talk about it, it neutralises it. After talking, people really do feel lighter.”
Listen to Tynan discuss adversity and action on his The Riding High Podcast.
Learn more about taking part in conversations about suicide:
Find help: https://www.qmhc.qld.gov.au/need-help
Watch Tynan's RUOK 2020 message
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